Dirty Little Secrets "It Feels.. I Feel... I mean...WELL... Numb"

ALOT of people feel it, know it, look back on it.. laugh about it... read about it.. but sometimes the best thing to do is... talk about it. EXTREME DEPRESSION. I went through it. I had it real bad. Some days you wonder why you were put on earth.. or wish that you didnt wake up the next morning. {Bare with me a bit...i am unfolding myself and speaking of true life stories. its a little hard for me sometimes *CRIES*}I've always been the goofy girl. The one who always smile, and make sure my entourage does so too. Im the type of girl who likes to kick it have a good time! The "NORMAL" girl, so everyone thought. WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF MY DIRTY LITTLE SECRETS!    There were night i cried myself to sleep. I wondered how i had ever let it get so bad. I cried, i fought, i lashed out.. I was angry ..but most of all I was UNHAPPY.. depressed without a reason. Now before you jugde me, let me tell you about myself... I grew up in America. I have a twin sister and a brother, and as a child i had everything I wanted, most importantly everything I needed. I was not deprived. Most of my life i lived in a nice home. I lived with BOTH MY PARENTS. (before the divorce). I had a lot of friends. You may ask why I am telling you all this. Its simple! You dont have to be deprived, weird, an outcast to be depressed. It happens to the best of us. It happened to me. I am sharing this with evryone because I hope in terms this may help anyone who suffers from depression. Get help, talk to someone Its okay to know that you are depressed. It IS NOT okay to suffer from it! Depressive disorders affect approximately 18.8 million American adults or about 9.5% of the U.S. population age 18 and older in a given year. This includes major depressive disorder, dysthymic disorder, and bipolar disorder. Everyone, will at some time in their life be affected by depression -- their own or someone else's, according to Australian Government statistics.

http://www.upliftprogram.com/depression_stats.html


My Depression:
I brace myself as I revealed the secrets that  never thought i would reveal and that I've held on to so long. At age 14, I fell in "love". Needless to say it came with many hearbreaks. The teen life got a great hold of me. Peer pressure, Love, challenges, stress , friends, fitting in, school! You know it funny how many parents say that kids have nothing to worry about. Its almost as if they forgot how hard it is to fit in. How time have changed. How you can be taunted for little things as stupid as what u have, who you hang with, what you wear, or how u speak. High School may not be the exaggerative version of what teen movies show. But its damn near close to it. I was tease in middle school. No sad story there. I got over it lol. but sometimes it the foundation of were you been  that can take you where you are. Ive alway been sensitive. But I alway put on this "hard front". Sometimes I lied to MYSELF about what hurted, what i cared about. At age 15, i found myself in a verbally abusive relationship. One that would last for four years. As i went through my years of high school. I found it harder to get up. Harder to try, Harder to breathe. And Harder to leave the love and peer pressure that surrounded me, and then suffocated me. I find myself at home, one day in the bathroom, with tears in my eyes and a blade to my skin; cutting the very flesh i was blessed to have. I can't tell you how i got there or even why. What became an experience now became a habit later. Sometimes it was for pleasure other times to block out the emotional hurt. Age 17, July 23 2008. I texted my love ones 'bye' and locked the door. I suddenly found myself on the floor, tear streaks, blood running down my arm, and a belt around my neck. It was by GOD's will that my sister and cousin opened the door...( who knows how the door got unlocked, i had double checked it)  my sister and cousin in next room felt the intensity  and broke into my room hysterically crying over me. As I layed lifelessly on the floor with nothing but a heavy heartbeat. it was only THEN i realized that I needed help! I talked about it. took small steps! Surrounded myself with positive people. I believe it was the pondering of the 'door' situation that spoke to me. silly i know.. for days and weeks i wonder how they got through the door. I wondered was that God's message telling me "its not my time". By his grace and mercy i was SAVED! I consider myself one of the lucky ones. Its never too late to help yourself. And when the going gets tough... TALK ABOUT IT!

http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/depression-types

**If you feel you maybe suffering from depression
The key symptoms of atypical depression include:
Overeating


Oversleeping


Fatigue


Extreme sensitivity to rejection


Moods that worsen or improve in direct response to events


Regular depression, on the other hand, tends to be marked by pervasive sadness.


TALK ABOUT IT! Dont be afraid to get HELP! I'll have an open ear ! YOU ARE NOT STRANGE WEIRD OR DUMB! We are all human. I am just like YOU!
 
if anyone needs a friend, you can always reach me at my email Tricegoeshard@yahoo.comm
 
Dont be afraid to just TALK ABOUT IT! :) It can make all the differece